ramblings of a man without a brain

rather than get everything done that needs done, does your mind sometimes balk at the slightest pause in your day, leaving you blank and numb to do naught but stare?sometimes when i close my eyes, i feel like the room is spinning, the objects around me blurring at top speed as they swirl around me. sleep would seem like the easiest cure, but the longing to accomplish anything for fear of sliding further down the slope of despair pulls me back to sub-consciousness. i go numb and stare, while my mind tries to jump start my body into work or sleep.
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my job is clustered right now. 'change is good' says big brother firstmerit. but too much change leads to chaos, and chaos to confusion, and confusion to aggitation, and aggitation to anarchy. i like what i do, but the day-to-day office drama is driving me insane. and while i hate talking about finances, my annual pay increase isn't going to offset my already risen family costs. my second job hangs by a thread, paying only a piece of my grocery bill. now i'm in credit analyst debt up to my ears. i have work i haven't even started yet, and my busy season hasn't yet reared its ugly head. that's another tough part about a salary... i work an extra 1-1.5 hours per day and don't even get a pat on the back.
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sarah and the girls came to visit me for lunch today (and so did dad). that and a nap in the afternoon didn't help them for some reason, and they had some listening issues. by the time i got home, the tension was thin, waiting to be sliced. i don't like my situation. initially, moses didn't like his either. job despised his. i'm sure jesus didn't want to die on the cross. i don't want to do what i'm doing, work or parenting related. but that's one of my callings, if not the only one.
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i'm tired. i'm 3 days behind my bible reading. but i like job. and while i still have a family, a house, a job, and a few friends, i still have much to learn from the man. as with my ancient home-boy, i'm not sure why god is being so silent right now. i want to cry and tear my robes, put on some ashes, and pray that god would pull me through this in such a way as to raise no doubt in my unsaved friends' minds that he is the one true and only god. i'm in this pit for him, and he will see me out... but for now, it stinks down here in the muck.
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i haven't read my bible yet today. i don't feel like taking 3.5 more minutes to post a picture. forgive me. have a good day.