a rainy week of vbs

so it's been another week since my last entry. and in all fairness, we have been busy for the last 7 days. last saturday was a trip to the akron zoo, and sunday afternoon and every evening of this past week was 2 hours per night of vacation bible school, where sarah and i were in charge of pre-school games each night. needless to say, i was too tired to write for the past week. that and the neighbor's tree fell on the power lines last saturday, killing our cable internet for a few days.

.

but it's been a good week. though i don't do good in a room full of screaming little children, god blessed me by helping me die to my bad attitude and to enjoy the week as a whole. it had some rough points... like some crazy boys with no ears and a little girl tripping and smashing her face on the stage... but again, it was a good week.

.

the book herb dropped off last friday has been awesome, and i've thankfully had time to read through the first 7 chapters. it's been quite convicting, and i'm praying god will change me through these pages.

.

i pulled in the driveway last night to a heavy downpour... what else is new after this week? it's been at least a 60% chance of rain since my last blog, and it's acted like a 90% chance. but anyway, as i came up the back steps, sarah was coming out the door onto the porch with the girls. while we said our 'hellos' and i went inside to get changed into something more comfortable, i heard sarah trying to convince the girls to run out into the rain and have some fun splashing in the puddles. i would have liked this as a child, but am a stick in the mud anymore. but to their amazement, and my own, i ran into the bedroom, changed as quickly as possible, then sprinted out the door, down the stairs and into the rain, encouraging all to follow. we had a blast lapping the house and splashing in the ever-annoying puddle that likes to form at the bottom of our back stairs. we all got soaked to the bone and had a great time doing it.

.

after playing in the rain:

transform your minds

today was an early wake-up call and a monotonous morning. but since i went in early and worked through lunch, i broke out of the office a little after 3:30.
.
i still don't know where things are going, but i'm remaining prayerful and hopeful. though upcoming events may not mean the best, all are drawing my attention to what god has in store for us financially. my second job has picked up more extra hours in the last week or two than prior history. sarah will be doing some babysitting next week and throughout the remainder of the summer. though it hasn't picked up yet, i'm trying to sell baby tulip poplars which have sprung up everywhere around our yard. we both have updates on potential jobs early next week, and a unanimous brother/sister in christ left us $200 tonight to help carry some expenses until the famine breaks. what perfect timing after having to drop nearly $600 on my car for tires, a new coolant tube, and an oil change!
.
mom and dad came for dinner-and-a-movie night. they had bought the girls big wheels, so we played in the street for a little while first. sarah always makes exceptional meals, and her friday night pizza is no exception. then the movie for the night was 13 pixar short films back-to-back. i still like for the birds the best if you ever get a chance to check it out.
.
our friends herb and elaine are the couple leading our monday night group right now. they stopped by tonight to drop off the mysterious $200 and a book the guys of the group are reading through. they meet every other saturday morning for breakfast and to discuss. they're around chapter 7, so i have some catching up to do, but i have until next saturday. it's a book called good to great in god's eyes: ten practices great christians have in common by chip ingram. if you've been reading my blogs of recent past, you'll know where my heart has been lately. and the first line on the back of this book pumped me up and motivated me to break it open: "are you tired of the status quo christian life?" the first chapter was about thinking great thoughts... meaning if you dwell on the negative or what the world tells you to think, you're doomed to a life of mediocricy. dwell on god's kingdom and doing his work, and the world doesn't matter anymore. it gave great ideas like memorizing scripture about how god loves you unconditionally. take a 48-hour media fast and use usual tv time during the fast to read your bible, pray, or listen to worship music. the whole concept is to transform our minds and to dwell on those things which are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, good repute... anything excellent and worthy of praise.
.
hopefully we're off to the zoo tomorrow, where we can bask in the greatness of god's creation. he's created some amazing diversity on our world, and i'm looking forward to worshipping and learning.
.
no picture today, but i'll leave you with this verse... think great thoughts... "the lord your god is with you, he is mighty to save. he will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (zephaniah 3:17)... as chip ingrim put it, "what if you woke up each morning thinking about the god of the universe singing a song of rejoicing over you?" dwell on that thought... would that change your life and current way of thinking? it has kept me changing already...

the hope of perfect following

though today was another drag, i continually look to god for hope of an exciting future. not just eternity, but also in this life. 'jesus said in luke 17:21 that the kingdom of god is within you. how can god live inside of us and not make a difference? he cannot; he will make a difference, or we must question whether he lives inside of us at all.' (from transformation). i think this is why life is so boring right now. i've grown up to this point believing there was some methodology behind following christ. i've come to realize following him is not a set of information to believe in, a few classes to take, a couple of merit badges on my sunday school chart. it's not about memorizing scripture or praying the right way. whether i eat or drink... whatever i do... i should do it all for the lord. as cliche as it sounds, it is a heart thing. so then i read something like the above passage from transformation and really wonder if i've ever opened my heart's door for the holy spirit to enter. it's a good argument that if god were living in me, there would be a difference. i can't discount that i'm growing, but i don't see a big change. so how does one 'let jesus in'? ask him i suppose. but you have to have faith and believe when you ask, or you can't get what you seek. so when i ask, i expect a big rush of spiritual excitement or a light from heaven. nothing. do i really believe in the power god can have in my life? sometimes i wonder about myself.

.

sarah's dad has been in the hospital now for 10 days with various issues. due to him not being all there for the first 7 days or so and the girls not being allowed in i.c.u., we haven't been able to visit until tonight. he seems to be doing better aside from severe mental/spiritual discouragement. i'm no doctor, and i can't claim to be a prophet, but i think he'll come out of this.

.

on our way to the hospital tonight, we somehow got on the subject of dinosaur extinction with the girls. "'extinct' means that something isn't living anymore.' how else do you explain this to a 4-year old? sarah goes into her theory on why she thinks the dinosaurs were wiped from the planet. upon completing her speech, alex asks, "but why did the dinosaurs die?" guess she missed sarah's oration. but anyway, they can't pronounce 'extinct', and we keep trying to explain to them that not some of the dinosaurs are extinct, but all of them are. alex again pipes in: "yeah. when a skunk is alive, it stinks." still not getting it, but funny. so this moves into dinosaurs on tv not being really alive... it's just tv. sonja, who has also been drawing shapes in the air during the dying conversation decides it's her turn to pipe in: "yeah. rectangles, squares, and diamonds are no big deal. they're just shapes." i guess she has a point.

.

it's never easy leaving sarah's family... not now that we have their children. after making so much progress with alex over this past weekend, she's back to loathing me. on the way home from the hospital, leaving grandma, grandpa, and 'daddy andrew', she doesn't want me near her, touching her, or even listening to her tell mommy how much she misses grandpa. it's some encouragement to know that most families have children who prefer one parent over another to some extent like this, and that many go through this... but either way, it still hurts. i try to let it go and realize that someday when my love to her is proved, she won't look on me with such hatred.

.

something i'm striving for is the attitude expressed in the following quote. i'm guessing it's a familiar voice, so i'll leave you guessing as to who said it. either way, i'd love more than anything to have this passion for christ and his kingdom: "by blood and origin i am albenian. my citizenship is indian. i am a catholic nun. as to my calling, i belong to the whole world. as to my heart, i belong entirely to the heart of jesus." i would alter mine slightly if i could first off alter my focus: "by blood and origin i am american. my citizenship is of heaven. i am an ambassador to this world. as to my calling, i belong to all mankind. as to my heart, it is reserved for none other than my lord and savior, jesus christ." i strive to attain this prize each day. amen.

.

my bane as a father (and i'll hold to the fact that she's so stinking cute):

boring and not-so-boring dialogues

today was a drag. i think this was due to the overly boring speech i attended yesterday evening. though i never thought a speech could do such a thing, it feels as though the life has been sucked right out of me, and i've been barely able to hold onto conciousness since. anyway, i wasn't the only one to have complaints about the talk.

.

today was tiring though, and while i blame it on yesterday evening's events, it still doesn't make anything easier. work is so busy that it's boring. i'm not sure that makes sense, but that's how it feels. i'm tired of the same old rush. and now that i'm done with my reading through the bible, lunch isn't as exciting either. i could still read the word at lunch, but i've used the last two days to read transformation (see prior blog) instead. once july hits though, it's back to god's word full time!

.

tonight was a good night. alex had a few funny dialogues, one with me, two with sarah:

.

me: "YOU... are so stinking cute!"

alex: "noooo... i'm not. i'm clean!" (she was. she just took a bath)

.

alex: "moooom!"

sarah: "what?"

alex: "oops! i bit ya."

.

sarah: "un" (counting in french... sounds like 'uh' as in 'uh huh')

alex: "i don't wanna say 'un'!" (well... it sounds funny when you hear it out loud)

.

matthew text messaged me tonight to let me know he shot a -1 at o.u.c. in chillicothe. i texted him back: "jealous." i do get sick of hearing him complain about how i'm better than he is at disc golf though, b/c he's pretty good himself, and i think if he didn't shoot himself down and get in that batter's slump, he'd womp me every time. and anyway, he gets to play more than me, so he has no excuse to lose!!

.

other than that, my day was a blur... as usual. we've got fun stuff planned through until next saturday (june 28)... but still... that's busy! hopefully i can find time to put in some yard work and 2nd job work. at least i had time to do 1.5 hour of 2nd job work tonight. and if sarah ever gets her cute little tushy home, we can watch our movie (the 13th warrior).

.

jesus tells us to love one another. so this is for you... ghetto-style (or 'hey-i-need-a-haircut' style):

.

my first father's day weekend

this was my first father's day weekend. it was all good.
.
sarah and i lead a small group of christ followers every thursday night. the gang decided to take off for the summer, so we decided to join a monday night group to stay plugged in with our christian family. my weekend started off with a saturday breakfast with the men of the new group. i'll be honest... i didn't get much out of it, but i enjoyed the fellowship and look forward to future encounters. i think a lot of it was feeling rushed to get home to be with the girls so sarah could go play soccer.
.
due to the rainy day, we couldn't go outside and play, and i was feeling a bit lazy. so while sarah was at soccer, i did some reading and let the girls play without me, inside of course. when i have time to read, i've been trying to get through a book called transformation by bob robertson, jr. on saturday morning, bob had some good things to say which relate much to how i've been feeling lately, and what i have expressed in recent blogs. here are some quotes from bob's book:
.

- "the problem with evangelism (and any other tenet of christianity) is not so much the sharing of our faith but the living of our faith.'
.

- 'we want to master the information; they (the first century church) longed to master the life.'
.

- 'therefore, the church remained 'religious' but not truly 'different.''
.

- and about gandhi... who wasn't a christian yet meditated on the gospels of christ an average of 2 hours per day...
- 'something is tragically amiss when a man without christ can change a nation, and christians who possess the holy spirit can't.'
- 'gandhi understood the cross as a lifestyle, as an act to be emulated, whereas most christians understand the cross as a theology to be believed.'
.

- and to paraphrase: if you, as a christian, left the community in which you live and should be making an impact for the kingdom... would you be missed?
.

something needs to stir us y'all...
.
sarah got home from soccer, and we were all able to have lunch together. then she headed out for her weekly grocery shopping spree. as the girls lay down for an afternoon nap, i picked up my favorite book: the bible by god. i read two days worth of reading, right up to revelation 18. once sarah got home, the girls got up from their 'nap'. that was a big fiasco in my brain, b/c i really don't think they even took a nap. oh well, off to the picnic...
.
grace church in norton, where we attend, is in the process of finding a new pastor to replace our current senior pastor who is retiring next year. the picnic, about 1.5-2 miles from our home, was a chance to meet the top candidate, dan gregory, and his family. the picnic was fun, and we're excited about the potential new pastor. during the picnic, bill blue held a sweet tea party with the girls while we grilled dan with questions. then they went to play with the other kids further out back. shari, who heads up the children ministry at norton grace was there with her family. our girls adore her and would probably seek her autograph if they knew what one was. at the end of the night, shari told me a cute/funny anecdote her son had relayed to her. upon playing out back with a football, the older kids were apparently not including sonja as she thought she deserved. according to brandon (shari's son), sonja yelled out, 'hey! pass the ball to someone who praises the lord!' i haven't stopped laughing.
.
sunday morning was strawberry crepes for breakfast with some pictures the girls had drawn me for my first father's day. i also got to sleep in until 8, which was a blessing from god through my family. we went to church with my parents, where they hand out red carnations for all fathers every year. i received two, one for being a dad, and another for being a new dad with twin girls this year (i was the only one who had to stand for that last bit of recognition... apparently adopting your twin neices isn't common).
.
sarah, mom, and the girls headed back to mom and dad's house after church while dad and i hit the medina disc golf course for a little 23-hole action (we play 18 and then the first 5 a second time). i shot a 5+ for the 18, which isn't bad considering they moved many of the holes since i was last there, making an already difficult course rather ridiculous. but it was perfect weather and good company, so the day was fun.
.
then we headed back to mom and dad's for some grilled chicken action. the girls were sleepy most of the afternoon, but they were quite entertaining to say the least. sarah and the girls gave me a picture frame (see comments below), and mom and dad gave me ratatouille, of which i have already blogged my praises.
.
once we got home, i mowed the lawn and set off to war the angry thistle mobs, which is an on-going, losing battle. sarah and the girls stayed in and watched a movie. as soon as i got in from my chores, it was bedtime for the little ladies of the house. the only thing different about this night was a little excerpt from sonja's prayer: '... and me, and sonja, and alex... uh... and me, and sonja... and alex.' oh yes... this reminds me of how alex finishes her prayers lately: '... and mommy and daddy and me and sonja. in jesus name amen. and all those people. in jesus name, amen.'
.
sarah and i took a stroll around the yard, planning our next landscaping endeavors. we picked some wild strawberrys and dreamed of the future. it was grand.
.
then we came in and i finished the bible... on the 105th day!!! praise god!
.
and to sum it all up: this was the best first father's day i could have thought up. i want to thank my heavenly father for planning this out.
.
here are some great pictures/videos of the girls from this weekend. the first was put into a nice frame for me to take to work with psalm 22:6 ('train up a child in the way [she] should go, and when [she] is old, [she] will not depart from it') at the bottom. the second i just thought displayed their beauty. the third is a cute video of alex and her new favorite saying. the fourth is a cute video of sonja being... well... sonja.

a passion that the world cannot explain

life flat-lined today. i didn't die, but there was no happiest or saddest part of my day. that's surprising since we were up until nearly 1 last night watching sense and sensibility... okay, sarah watched it. i fell asleep. so we'll give it another go tonight.

.

the girls did something pretty funny today. while sarah was inside making dinner and i had yet to come home, they grabbed the sandbox we recently were given from our neighbors across the streeth and drug it up the concrete stairs out back (or out and around the pine trees the long way). they were able to lift the end of a small slide nisha had given us to put the end of the slide into the sandbox. then they got the hose and filled the sandbox with water. presto! instant water slide! all this with no help... the little monkeys!

.

so i'm three days short of my thru-the-bible-in-90-days gig. if i'm done by the end of the day father's day, it will have taken me 105 days. not bad. my original goal was to start back up july 1st and read the bible thru in 90 days once per quarter. my plan has now changed to include that plan as well as a new one on top of that. a friend of mine just gave me a chronological bible, which puts everything into time order. it has a 365-day reading plan. so with any luck, i'll read the bible 5 times per year. i hope i can commit everything to memory with that type of repitition.

.

i read all of hebrews and most of james today. hebrews 11 and all of james typically chew me up and spit me out. today, hebrews 10:26-27 gave me a nice left hook: "if we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgement and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of god." ouch.

.

so i've really been at a loss lately as to figuring out why the truth of the bible doesn't hit people. many say it's a good thing and you should follow it, but there's so much more to it... we are to walk as jesus walked. be perfect as god is perfect. don't just believe, but act. stop sinning. all of these things, and more. it's not the law, but it's obedience and love for our lord jesus christ which should compel us to live this way. if not... unquenchable fire awaits. burn with passion for christ's kingdom... or just burn. my hope is that all may come to know the lord and savior christ jesus. but we each must answer for our own self.

.

a picture packed full of sparkler fun from our memorial day camping trip:

.

think tank on 'e'

i guess i'm not too good at keeping up with this blog thing. i'll keep trying. it's probably from lack of sleep, time, and stimulation, that i feel i just don't have anything to write about...
.
i played softball last night, though am starting to feel old at 26. then i went fishing tonight. i bet you think i don't get anything done. well let me just tell you something... i tend to agree. but in all fairness to myself, i've had a rough week mentally/psychologically so far, but i did get things done after fishing tonight. i'll hit the road running again tomorrow, coming home and enjoying another fun-packed evening of yard work (weather and lord willing).
.
my biggest thought over the last two days has been on the apostle paul. he said some pretty life changing things in his letters to the various churches. but i bet if he were here in our faces today saying those same things to us, we would be offended and would probably persecute him... and jesus too as a result.
.
i'm thinked out.

patiently waiting...

i'm antsy. i'm bored. though each day flies by, i feel like life is dragging. i don't wish it away, but things never seem to get resolved. it seems as though years pass by waiting for a finale. i just want to see the end. praying for the finish but having to endure the race... it's a drag. the challenge of time margin is tough. my daily tasks aren't easy. i know there is more that god has to offer my life, but i find myself asking 'is this it?' i don't want to do things, not because they're too difficult; rather, i don't think they're challenging enough. i'm bored. i'm antsy.
.
where are the true christian warriors? where is my band of brothers? have they all deserted? what happened to the excitement of battle and the passion of the cross? i feel alone in a warzone, without an ally for comfort. i know god is coming to rescue me, but i wish i had a comrade to keep me company and pass the time. in being one, i remain silent, the passion and excitement bubbling for action.
.
why can't i be what i know i ought? he then, who knows the good he ought to do, yet doesn't do it... sins. i think i don't do that good b/c i guess i'm not convinced people want it. they'd rather live in monotony and die at the end. people want heaven, but not god. they want to believe in something after life, regardless of how they've lived, but they don't want a savior who will change how they live. saying and doing are separated by one thing: truth.
.
so i'm bored b/c i'm not challenged. i'm not challenged b/c i do not have a band of brothers. i do not have a band of brothers b/c these men are not convinced they want the same challenges i'm eager to take on. they are not convinced b/c they have not really, honestly, deeply, and lovingly embraced the truth. saying you have is one thing. 'doing' truth is something completely different.
.
here i sit, spiritually depressed and waiting.

god's witness: a weed wacker

i love fridays. hot ones. like tim allen's line in the movie jungle 2 jungle: "what'd they call this place again? the surface of the sun?!?!" (correction to yesterday's blog: that was matchbox 20, not smash mouth)

.

work was nice today, though not much was accomplished. i did get to chat to a good friend and colleague today though. the conversation went from work to god. and when you get two people like us talking about god, we can justify missing a little work for the sake of encouraging one another. but i got to cut out early today too, which was great in and of itself.

.

sarah and the girls hit a cool little 'splash park' in medina today. neat little concrete pad with water coming out of it. based on the pictures, it looked crowded, but our little socialites took to it well. now if we can start getting them to talk about jesus in those super social situations, others will be all set... for eternity. and as i flipped through sarah's photographic prowess, it reminded me that they are not biologically mine... i hate water.

.

so i get off work early to come home and mow my acre before pizza and a movie. i'm about 15 minutes from finishing when i double take a friend out of the corner of my eye. i get off the deere to great him. it was a good chat other than making fun of my pink shirt. not long into it, he asks if we still need a weed eater. i say yes, but that another friend of ours had been talking about getting his fixed and bringing it over one day so i can get some trimming done. so herb motions and says, 'come over to the car, i've got something for you.' wouldn't you know it, herb and his wife bought me a weed eater! it's not a life or death situation, but god is good to us. coincidentally, after dinner i notice i have a voicemail on the cell. somehow i missed a call. it was dad. he said he had emailed me at work but didn't know if i had received it... i hadn't b/c i left early. in it, he told me to go ahead and go buy myself a weed wacker and he'd reimburse me. wow... you know it's bad when god's telling you that you need a weed wacker! thank you herb, elaine, mom, and dad. may the lord bless you for your servitude to us!

.

netflix sent us ratatouille tonight. this was a great flick which i would recommend to everyone. cute, clean, imaginitive... you name it. i'd buy it if i could, just for myself.

.

our house is like neopolitan ice cream... three flavors. the basement feels like air conditioning, the main living floor is hot, and the upstairs is a sauna. i remember growing up sleeping in the boiler. i figure i've done my time... but i still don't want the little ones to have to go through it now. it's hot!

.

and to wrap it up, here's my spiritual rant for the day...

have you ever heard this argument: "if there is no god, then you and i are both in the same boat. however, if there is a god, then what does that mean for you when judgement comes? i know i'm going to heaven b/c i choose to believe god exists." i dislike this. if you're a christian, you shouldn't be saying "if" god exists. he does.

.

here are two cute pictures of the girls from today's watery extravaganza. sonja's in the blue speedo. alex is in the pink bikini.

trying to hate my wife god's way

to borrow from smash mouth, today was a hot one... like seven inches from a midday sun. like microwaved peanut butter: hot and sticky.

.

work was a chore. and that's all i have to say about that.

.

i was about brain dead by the time i got home, so i was a bum. but since it was thursday, seth and nisha came over and we talked about red hot monogamy. we talked about the things you should do to keep the fires burning in a healthy husband-wife relationship. "spend quality time together"... but why? where does jesus say "spending quality time with your wife is key to a healthy relationship"? but you should. when people see your marriage, they should see jesus and his relationship with the church. that's what marriage is intended to be... not just to procreate. as such, quality time does make sense. now take all of the other things you've heard in the past on how to keep the love kindled, and test them by the standards given by jesus. we even went as extreme as to discuss what would happen if your spouse cheated on you! not to be cliche, but what would jesus do? i think we prostitute ourselves to him every time we sin... yet does he give up on us and go find another 'wife'? no way. so if our lives should reflect his love for us... the church... then how should we react? if we gave that vow "for better. for worse.", wouldn't a cheating spouse be considered "for worse"?

.

and i'm too tired to look it up, so if you want the reference, let me know some other time. but basically, the love you have for that significant other should appear as hatred when compared to the love you have for god. wow... i love my wife a lot!! as i mentioned tonight, i really need to step up my game when it comes to my relationship with jesus.

.

so needless to say, i didn't get anything accomplished tonight except talking.

.

here's a picture (alex's first camping trip... first morning after sleeping on the ground):

to the perishing

my alarm was set for 5 a.m. with every intention of going into work for an hour before heading further north for an all-day training workshop. i woke up at 6:30.

.

the workshop was nice today except i'm extremely busy with 'big boy' work and couldn't really afford a whole day out of the office. my buddy tony and i butted heads over music preference and debated briefly on a constant 75 degree temperature versus heaven. he's not a believer, so i'll excuse him. and the workshop instructor seemed a bit anti-faith, so the combo bummed me out a bit.

.

so i got to thinking about paul's first letter to the church in corinth. in it, he states that 'the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of god.' then blinking back to romans, he says 'god has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.' so i posed the question in my own head: 'what if god has hardened, say, tony? and the message of the cross is foolishness to him, so where does my role fit into this equation?' i heard it said on the radio the other day... and i'm paraphrasing here... that being a christian doesn't mean we're a better arguer than others and can pursuade anyone to christ. it is, rather, a higher calling, a higher faith, and a higher hope that people should recognize by the way we live. granted, we should be ready to give an answer to those who ask for the hope that is in us, so this is by no means a cop out to spread the gospel. but again, i think of my role in the stubborn hearts of a couple of my friends. if you get into an argument with a stubborn heart, you know you'll never win... or lose really... so why argue? further argument may only push the person further from wanting what you have.

.

i felt productive this evening in terms of housework, though i fell slightly short of my overall goal. i vacuumed the entire house, basement to second floor. then i took the trash out (including those blasted shingles i touched on yesterday). then i got in an hour of work on the second job. i shot out one slightly overdue email and checked my work email after being out all day. my intention when i'm done here is to balance the checkbook. the only thing i didn't get to was to fix the cabinet doors under the sink... that's an on-going 10-month project so far, which should only take about 15-20 minutes.

.

as for the family, i once again failed in the patience factor. it's no easy task being a parent. i'm trying... and praying for forgiveness, love, and guidance daily.

.

since i've been off of the blog scene for a bit now, i've missed posting a lot of pictures mainly sarah has taken in that time. so here's one:

storm the gates of hell

i was able to tune in to radio u through my computer at work for the first half of today. it's an alternative christian radio station out of columbus which not only has some pretty cool music, but they spell out the gospel at least once every half an hour. though only half listening since i was technically working, i heard the dj's talking about a new album by a band called 'demon hunter'. these guys have good music behind some really bad 'singing'. i wish the vocals were better, b/c i really like the intensity of the band's name... and their new album, which is called 'storm the gates of hell'. upon pondering the band and album names this morning, i realized why i love to write rather than speak. when you write, everything is more intense b/c everything is quiet except the keyboard and your thoughts, so a mental image as intense as you can stand can burn. when you talk, it's annoying. maybe you don't like the way your voice sounds. maybe you're subconciously trying to impress the person you're talking to. maybe you just think it stinks that your life doesn't come with a soundtrack like the lives of the characters in movies. when you write, it's just you and the computer screen (or paper for you old people... or papyrus).
.
i have just over 6 days left in my 90-day bible reading plan, which was scheduled to end 5/27. i plan to shoot through the last few days in the month of june and start back over july 1st. my goal... if i haven't already blogged it... is to read the bible 4 times per year, once per quarter.
.
anyway, in reading through ii corinthians today, the following two verses/passages hit me the hardest...
.
1) ii corinthians 5:16(b) - 'so from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. though we once regarded christ in this way, we do so no longer.' - without going into an hour long lecture, it's difficult to say how this moved me. simply, it's the idea that we shouldn't live for this world. we should be living now with the end in front of our face. like a donkey with a carrot in front of his nose, the world should be blurred with the end goal in mind. i think we could accomplish more for the kingdom this way, and happiness would abound regardless our situation.
.
2) ii corinthians 11:13-15 - 'for such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of christ. and no wonder, for satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. it is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. their end will be what their actions deserve.' - satan is beautiful... he's enticing... jesus was ordinary (see isaiah 53:2). tied with the first passage above, no wonder the cliche reads 'don't judge a book by its cover.'
.
that was really the extent of my day... oh yeah... yay for me, i 'fixed' the washer!

the not-so-daily, daily blog

okay, so this hasn't been daily for the last several days. and apparently i had a small 'fan' base accumulating, so i apologize for those who have already given up on my blog daily as i have. but here's an attempt to light my fire...
.
it's been a crazy may, so to recap on everything at this point would be pointless. but give a glimpse...
.
professionally, nothing has changed, except my hair is longer and i don't shave as often, so i look less professional every day.
.
home (not the family) hasn't changed much except the lawn needs mowed now that the grass has been growing. and it's actually probably gotten worse b/c the thistle and other weeds have begun to take over everywhere. and since we have nothing but a tractor for a mower, getting those tough to reach places can be painful.
.
home (the family) has improved in many ways. however, i still feel with every glance from alex that i am being condemned. nap times for both have been off as we try to figure out how to best accommodate their sleep schedules, so bed time has been atrocious. i use such strong language here probably b/c i've always hated bed time, and now that i have little ones that hate it too, i dislike it even further.
.
spiritually, i've never felt more fit... but in saying that, i am more keen of my own shortcomings and realizations that i'm not as far along as i could/should be. i think parenting brings out the best (or worst in my case) of everyone, so i feel this is my greatest struggle right now... that and my stupid yard. yes, a yard can be spiritually hindering. try cleaning out the back corner of your yard and find stacks of shingles, some of which have begun to rot and dissintegrate into your yard. the sewage hole is being covered by rotting logs, and the cinder blocks that once held up a grating to keep small children and animals from falling in are crumbling... now try to clean it up and figure out, without any funding or help, how you're going to get this corner back in line without swearing. i'm not much of a swearer, but it crosses the mind... and this is a stumbling block for me, causing me to hate rather than love.
.
but i've gotten motivated, driven by anger. with money growing thinner by the day and my yard doing the opposite, my mind has jumped into hyper mode, but my body is still getting out of bed. i know i'm lazy in many eyes, which is where my anger burns hottest. despite my needs, i don't want help. i'm out to prove i can do it. though god created us as relational beings, i only want his help. and his way may be to have someone offer, which many have done and have been accepted. but i'm not asking anymore.
.
welcome back.