my bladder woke me up at 5. i decided to stay up, and was at work by 6:30. a two-hour meeting from 8:30-10:30 drained what life i had left. so i cut out of work early (4:20-ish).
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tonight was a good night. pizza. 101 dalmations (cartoon). lightning. the bible. bed (soon).
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before tonight, i was 4 days behind on my bible reading schedule. in an effort to catch up, i read the first 69 chapters of psalms this evening amidst distractions ranging from a playful cat to a lightning/wind show. i've never read that much in psalms in one setting though, but wow! there's a ton of worship crammed right there. it was very exciting. here are a few of my favorites: 13; 15; 19:12-14; 27:13; 42:5-6a; 42:11; and 51:17. i think this list would change every time i read through psalms. there is just so much there that you can relate at any time no matter what you're going through.
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as for the lightning/wind storm, it was impressive. it was completely calm at one point, then it was almost as if a tiny cell of wind whipped through our back yard and moved its way across the street and through the rest of northern norton. i can't explain the sensation, but i've never seen wind move like that before. sarah and i both thought of elijah outside his cave when a large gust of wind whipped by... but the lord was not in the wind. and then there was a still, soft voice...
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luke 14:27 says, "and anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." this is pretty straight forward in meaning, and i think this verse embodies what i'm going through. jesus isn't saying, "i want you to find something that comes easy to you, something you're passionate about, and do it with no reserve for me." he says, "i want you pick up your struggles and sufferings. i want you to humble yourself by doing something with no reserves that you wouldn't do if it were left up to yourself." so when god told me to adopt the girls, i didn't want to. and i've said it lately, i'm not really keen on being a daddy. but god has gifted me with a great wife who is a great mother, and he has gifted me with the ability to be a good daddy. i picked up my cross, and for that, i rejoice in him. the only reason i dislike being a father is b/c of who i am now; however, this is offset by my enjoyment in being a father b/c of who god is making me to be through this whole process. would i do it again? with no hesitation, yes.
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"consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds." or "any kinds."
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i also remember hearing recently that it's not about how fast you run the race or about how far you can run. it's about how long you can suffer. spiritual stamina.
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i'm happy. tired, but happy. i know i complain a lot, but deep down where it counts, i would rather be here than anywhere else. thank you, god.
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god's awesomeness (not taken tonight):
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