dialogue encouraged

the time change hates me. so yes, yesterday was rough, and the shock wave created by daylight savings time rippled through to today too. the girls were up at 5 a.m., dragging with them my sour attitude from the day before. but once i stepped out my back door to head for work, barely a thought entered my head until lunch. and even then, i only had one.

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i continued my bible reading plan at lunch today, ending leviticus and beginning numbers. tedious, yet rewarding. the end of leviticus talks about tithing, and it's interesting to read that the first tenth of everything should go to the lord. not just our money. i'm trying to think now how i spend other things in my life, tangible or intangible. i'm sure god doesn't have a tenth of me. and that was it. no more thoughts until after work.

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matthew forte called me on my way home from work and left a voicemail (sorry i haven't called back yet, matthew). though it was a short message, it was long for matthew. his message said something about disc golf, yet the first three sentences are what haunted my thoughts for the rest of the evening: "hey ben, it's matthew. i was just driving home from work and thought i'd give you a call. i miss college." bam!! sentence #3 hit home. i got to thinking of my two most recent lives. the latter, what i call 'now' is strictly time managed, money mattered, sleep deprived, cronically depressive, and confusing. i'm one who would rather talk about deep matters than skirt around the surface of what's happening in life. and you can't get that in my current life. everything non-work related is limited to, maybe, an hour-and-a-half timeframe. then it's over. no phone calls. no follow-up. it's done. now my former life, 'college', was freedom. the lax schedule allowed for late nights, hours with friends about a pool table, talking about and figuring out life. now i'm glad i was a christian at this time, b/c talking about and figuring out what life was all about was liberating. when a discussion ended late into the night, you could pick it back up over a bowl of pizza the next morning. if you've ever seen the movie 'joe vs. the volcanoe,' that's a tad like what life has become. yes matthew, i miss college too.

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god, give us men! a time like this demands

strong minds, great hearts, true faith and ready hands;

men whom the lust of office does not kill;

men whom the spoils of office cannot buy;

men who possess opinions and a will;

men who have honor - men who will not lie;

men who can stand before a demagogue

and damn his treacherous flatteries without winking;

tall men, sun-crowned, who live above the fog

in public duty and in private thinking;

for while the rabble, with their thumb-word creeds,

their large professions and their little deeds,

mingle in selfish strife, lo! freedom weeps,

wrong rules the land, and waiting justice sleeps.

(author unknown)

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pastor ryan, whom until now i have yet to confess i look up to him with the admiration of a younger brother, said something tonight too, that made me think. "it is a serious calling to shepherd the souls of people." in my leadership, i am a shepherd. here lord, are my sheep... yikes! that is a serious calling. god is serious!!!

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i am short on time.

i am short on money.

i am short on words.

i am short on love.

i am short on everything i hold dear.

i have so much more i can sacrifice.

(me)

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favorite bible verse read today: "the lord bless you and keep you; the lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." (numbers 6:24-26)

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favorite picture taken today (okay, it's a video):

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p.s. - after i wrote the above, the blog ate my words and i had to start all over (and it won't save correctly). hopefully this does my initial thoughts justice.