the courage of gift giving

since i'm staying home this morning with a sick alex, i figured i would take the time to do this. so we have movie #2 going, and my back is hot as i'm sitting up against a roaring fire. the only downside is having to go to work later.
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but life has been good aside from feeling as though i should be doing more. we're slowly getting ready for the christmas season, our small group at church seems to be going well, and we're all relatively healthy (despite the current rampant cold). so much to be thankful for, yet feeling unfulfilled somehow. with all God has given me, i still find it hard to pass the blessings on to others who made need that gift more than myself. hard because i'm selfish. hard because i'm living in fear. but i can justify not doing more...
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i don't pray as often as i should because i feel the words aren't there and i'm ill equipped. i don't spend as much time in God's Word as I should because i lack the time or will just fall asleep if i take the time. i don't give because my budget is alread tight. i don't spread the good news because i'm afraid of acceptance and am anti-confrentational. i don't love like i should because i've been led to a religion of facts versus a religion of relationship. i expect others to come to me what needs to be filled rather than seeking the broken. i'm reactive rather than proactive. and once i'm done feeling sorry for myself in these things, i essentially shrug it off and say, 'well, i've never been able to change this, so i'll just give up again.'
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if i don't go above peoples' expectations and shine my life change in front everyone, i've denied God's power. i'm not here to convince the world Jesus is God and that He is alive and well today, working miracles like He always has. i'm here to point all i meet to the gift of God: Jesus. everyone is responsible for their own decision, so i can't take blame if i've shown them the change and they deny it. and do i believe Jesus will come again with judgement in my lifetime? i don't know... but it could happen. the potential end of this world is slowly spurring on my courage, whether or not it actually happens. my friend nathan once had a quote posted somewhere which i would love to adopt as my life motto: 'i want to live my life in such a way that the demons in hell know my name.' and as casting crowns lyricized: 'what if the amies of the Lord picked up and dusted off their swords? vowed to set the captive free, and not let satan have one more? ... took a stand upon God's promise, and stormed hell's rusty gates? what if His people prayed?'
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may God bless you during this holiday season. see the truth. digest His promises. make the choice. i pray you will accept the gift.