deliver me from myself

yesterday was a good day. not that today hasn't been, but yesterday was a great example of how a saturday should be. i slept in until almost 6:30am, took a shower while the coffee was being made. prayed, caught up with bible reading, and put the clean dishes away - all before anyone else woke up. i had time to run to the barber for a hair cut and play an 18-hole round of disc golf on the wii with the girls before lunch. after lunch, i did some reading before falling asleep on the couch in the office. then we all went to pick up dinner, came back and ate, then watched a movie before bed time. then sarah and i were able to watch 3 full episodes of bones on netflix, and we were able to go to bed a little after 11pm. what a day!

today started with me sleeping on the couch in the office around 1am. i've been trying to shake this cold, and isaac was not going to cooperate with sleeping last night, so i came downstairs. my alarm went off at 6am, and i was able to get up and start my day closer to 7am. i've had a hard time praying the last several days. i've been praying, but the words just aren't coming. i'm glad God knows my heart before i say it aloud... and sometimes, i wish He didn't know my heart!

then the glitter... ew! if it didn't get EVERYWHERE, i wouldn't mind.

all that said, yesterday and today (and it's only a little after 9am) have been showing me how important i am in my own life. i've been more aware lately of my own sinfulness before God than many times in the past, and i've been reflecting on it a lot. but the last 24+hours have been a little different.

my reading time before nap yesterday was out of radical (still not finished!). platt talked about the importance of spreading the good news of Christ... and the urgency. as i fell asleep, my mind drifted to "untouched" people groups around the globe, going about their lives without knowledge of Jesus. and i was taking my free time to nap! i think it's easy to think that "ah - someone else with a passion for those people will go. i don't need to." or many people today even think "surely God wouldn't send these people to hell for eternity simply because they never heard for Jesus! how can they believe in and follow Him if nobody tells them? that's just unfair!" but the bible is clear that Jesus is the Way... the ONLY Way. so basically what we're saying with the above statements is (a) "i don't love these people" and/or (b) if we just don't tell them about Jesus, they'll go to heaven... BUT if, we DO tell them about Jesus, there's a chance they'll rebel and end up in hell... it's just safer to not tell them. WHAT?! it's safer to NOT tell them about Jesus?! that makes no sense to me! so again... i napped.

then this morning, as i hinted above, the glitter. not only is there an analogy of the crassness of our lives buried in those shiny, tiny particles of satan, but i was definitely not thinking of anyone but myself as it began to cover my kitchen. i'm the only one that was annoyed with it... which made it even more annoying!

i shared this song (every little prison: http://youtu.be/tk_3WNdG5cA)with our small group this past thursday night, and it's been my prayer lately... a lot! as i shared thursday, we tend to give satan a lot of credit for our own undoing, but we fail to see that we're the ones that are, by choice, led away by temptation. i am my own worst enemy - nobody else. and if we could see ourselves as our worst enemy (http://youtu.be/DdmYAzT5GM4), i think we would pray differently and trust God differently. we'd live differently and treat others differently. we're told to love others AS OURSELVES (mark 12:31a)... if you think about it, really ponder it, how do you love yourself? and once you see all the ways you love yourself, you'll see how many ways you DON'T love other people. i know i do.

james 1:13-14 "when tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed."

(final note: i am truly thankful my girls, all 3 of them, are so gracious to me. thankful they know i'm a sinner still trying to figure things out. i'm trying not to take this for granted, so please pray for me, that'd i'd continue to learn how to die to myself.)